Who am i??
For the past 18 years I am trying to figure it out that who I am? But I failed ever since.
After reading that essay sort of thing I want you guys to figure it out and give me a suggestion.
When I was a kid on my birthdays I used to receive a lot of gifts that we all used to get. Most of them contain toys I don’t know why? But I was never allower to play with them because my parents thought that these toys are just distraction and will affect me and my studies. How can they do this to a child who wants to play with his toys. But what I am thankful to my parents is this that I can see my toys placed in my shelf. In school I was a shy kind of student who rarely talks to someone. Just keep himself in his own fantasy world ,all my teachers love me for having this bored kind of personality.
I remember when I was in 9th class everything suddenly starts to change I started making friends and first time in my life I mastered the skill to how to control my parents. Every time I come to my house with a report card with a 2nd rank in my class my parents used to beat me that why I don’t come first.
I was very disappointed with my parents that why they do this to me?. They never allowed me to go outside with my friends or to play just a cricket match with them. I asked them why they do this? And the only answer they gave me is this that they love me a lot and don’t want me see in any trouble.
All of these acts of them started me to think that where I am going and where I should go in my life.?
So I lose my interest in studies and started doing things I love. I started loving the punishments that my family gave me , all my pains are gone , they break hundreds of hangers,rulers on me and I just love that part of them.
Then I first time raised my voice infront of my teachers they asked me questions in class, quizzes,tests. I know all the answers but I never gave them a single reply. I just want them to punish me and punish me bad. In a few days all of the school teachers were against me but they can’t do any thing because I was still one of the brilliant students and most famous too.
When I was in matric my sisters told my mom that they think that I am into smoking but at that time I had never tried a cig before. I told my mom but she never believed me. This resulted in more and more restrictions on me.
Then I went to govt college and started smoking there too see what that thing really is. From that time I have been smoking ever since but my parents have failed to catch me ever since. One day my mom asked me howz my academy is going on? Because my father thinks that I bunked the classes. I told them I never did that but they don’t believe me. From that day I started bunking my academy.
Till this part of my life u must be thinking that how strict me parents were and I was so lonely. So now here is the turning point. I entered govt college on dramatics basis so I have to do a lot dramas in my college that changed my life a lot. I learned a lot of skills from there and my friends there were soo soo good who taught me how to handle situations.
Handling my parents was not a big problem for me now. I totally enjoyed my college life without any interference of my parents. Now here is the intresting part of my life. Only one person in this world knows this that I hate girls [ not all but most of them] and the person who knows is also a girl.:D
In 2nd year there is a girl in my academy about which I heared the boys saying that she is the most cool girl in the academy .but this was none of my business because in academy I rarely talked to someone I just sit on the same seat daily , I do my test and then come back home. One day that same girl came to me when I was in canteen and said why u look at me? I laugh a little and said ooo I watched u ?? naa lady u aren’t that beautiful trust me. She gave a horrible look and then she went away. Then one day she again came to me and asked for my number I gave her my no but I was confused why she is doing all this?. Then the story is like this that for two months she texted me , calls me when I had time and we became good friends. One day she asked me too give her my birthday treat but I wasn’t so convinced with her idea because I don’t want to go out with her. But the bottom line is that she convinced me and we went too pizza hut near our academy.
Now what happened there was soo soo uhhhh. She came there with so much dressed up like a girl coming on a wedding. And the first question she asked is how I am looking today.? I said well u are looking to stupid to me . she laughed like I was joking. then on that night she texted me that our first date was awesome . I got amazed I called her I said look girl don’t ever use these sort of words because I don’t like these things . she said don’t u love me.? I said are u crazy and then what she said too me I can’t tell u. that’s the only time I interacted with a girl in a nice manner but she just blew it off.
Now coming to the best part I got my admission in nust. Hostel life was a hell of new experience too me . my parents are not ready to let me go there but still they have to bent because I was never going too let that uni go. I was soo careless in hostel that I never locked my door , because I know that nobody is so brave there to enter in my room without my permission. But there was one fool who tried that and he was none other than our WARDEN. He came into my room and said why u don’t lock ur door.?. I said its my room I am responsible for it who are u to told me what I have to do.? That mad man fined me 5000 for showing him attitude and said locks are meant to be locked. I smiled and at that very moment my evil mind worked . there are 4 blocks of our hostel with 150 appartments and 2 rooms in each apartment. I took 4 packets of elfee and at night I put elfee in every lock and jammed all of the. It took me almost 2 hours to put elfee in 300 rooms. The next morning was so pleasant because the warden is standing infront of hostel with a face like a lost cow. It took two weeks 4 them to replace all the locks which I destroyed. I am lovin’it.
now I am n a phase of life where I don’t trust anyone and not enjoying my life a lot. I have told u already that I saw dreams which actually happens. I have seen my family members, my pets dying and other bad and some good happenings.
Now a days the thing that is destroying me and 4 the reason I am writing all this stuff is to get opinion from u guys what to do next in my life. Because I am having dreams that I am commiting suicide . its not like that I am afraid of dying but I don’t wanna die that way. My life nowadays is slowly taking me to the same step that I have seen but I want to change that. Give me a response plzzz and be happy all in your lifezz after all its your life and u have to live it of your own . and don’t worry I don’t hate my parents I love them more than u love your parents because they are the only thing I have. And in girlz I don’t hate my sisters,My mom and teachers. Yaa yaa also including some friends.. bye byee……..
This is all I got for u now. I will write about those events in which whenever I tried to help someone those people took me wrong I have to pay , instead of them thanking me. :D
For the past 18 years I am trying to figure it out that who I am? But I failed ever since.
After reading that essay sort of thing I want you guys to figure it out and give me a suggestion.
When I was a kid on my birthdays I used to receive a lot of gifts that we all used to get. Most of them contain toys I don’t know why? But I was never allower to play with them because my parents thought that these toys are just distraction and will affect me and my studies. How can they do this to a child who wants to play with his toys. But what I am thankful to my parents is this that I can see my toys placed in my shelf. In school I was a shy kind of student who rarely talks to someone. Just keep himself in his own fantasy world ,all my teachers love me for having this bored kind of personality.
I remember when I was in 9th class everything suddenly starts to change I started making friends and first time in my life I mastered the skill to how to control my parents. Every time I come to my house with a report card with a 2nd rank in my class my parents used to beat me that why I don’t come first.
I was very disappointed with my parents that why they do this to me?. They never allowed me to go outside with my friends or to play just a cricket match with them. I asked them why they do this? And the only answer they gave me is this that they love me a lot and don’t want me see in any trouble.
All of these acts of them started me to think that where I am going and where I should go in my life.?
So I lose my interest in studies and started doing things I love. I started loving the punishments that my family gave me , all my pains are gone , they break hundreds of hangers,rulers on me and I just love that part of them.
Then I first time raised my voice infront of my teachers they asked me questions in class, quizzes,tests. I know all the answers but I never gave them a single reply. I just want them to punish me and punish me bad. In a few days all of the school teachers were against me but they can’t do any thing because I was still one of the brilliant students and most famous too.
When I was in matric my sisters told my mom that they think that I am into smoking but at that time I had never tried a cig before. I told my mom but she never believed me. This resulted in more and more restrictions on me.
Then I went to govt college and started smoking there too see what that thing really is. From that time I have been smoking ever since but my parents have failed to catch me ever since. One day my mom asked me howz my academy is going on? Because my father thinks that I bunked the classes. I told them I never did that but they don’t believe me. From that day I started bunking my academy.
Till this part of my life u must be thinking that how strict me parents were and I was so lonely. So now here is the turning point. I entered govt college on dramatics basis so I have to do a lot dramas in my college that changed my life a lot. I learned a lot of skills from there and my friends there were soo soo good who taught me how to handle situations.
Handling my parents was not a big problem for me now. I totally enjoyed my college life without any interference of my parents. Now here is the intresting part of my life. Only one person in this world knows this that I hate girls [ not all but most of them] and the person who knows is also a girl.:D
In 2nd year there is a girl in my academy about which I heared the boys saying that she is the most cool girl in the academy .but this was none of my business because in academy I rarely talked to someone I just sit on the same seat daily , I do my test and then come back home. One day that same girl came to me when I was in canteen and said why u look at me? I laugh a little and said ooo I watched u ?? naa lady u aren’t that beautiful trust me. She gave a horrible look and then she went away. Then one day she again came to me and asked for my number I gave her my no but I was confused why she is doing all this?. Then the story is like this that for two months she texted me , calls me when I had time and we became good friends. One day she asked me too give her my birthday treat but I wasn’t so convinced with her idea because I don’t want to go out with her. But the bottom line is that she convinced me and we went too pizza hut near our academy.
Now what happened there was soo soo uhhhh. She came there with so much dressed up like a girl coming on a wedding. And the first question she asked is how I am looking today.? I said well u are looking to stupid to me . she laughed like I was joking. then on that night she texted me that our first date was awesome . I got amazed I called her I said look girl don’t ever use these sort of words because I don’t like these things . she said don’t u love me.? I said are u crazy and then what she said too me I can’t tell u. that’s the only time I interacted with a girl in a nice manner but she just blew it off.
Now coming to the best part I got my admission in nust. Hostel life was a hell of new experience too me . my parents are not ready to let me go there but still they have to bent because I was never going too let that uni go. I was soo careless in hostel that I never locked my door , because I know that nobody is so brave there to enter in my room without my permission. But there was one fool who tried that and he was none other than our WARDEN. He came into my room and said why u don’t lock ur door.?. I said its my room I am responsible for it who are u to told me what I have to do.? That mad man fined me 5000 for showing him attitude and said locks are meant to be locked. I smiled and at that very moment my evil mind worked . there are 4 blocks of our hostel with 150 appartments and 2 rooms in each apartment. I took 4 packets of elfee and at night I put elfee in every lock and jammed all of the. It took me almost 2 hours to put elfee in 300 rooms. The next morning was so pleasant because the warden is standing infront of hostel with a face like a lost cow. It took two weeks 4 them to replace all the locks which I destroyed. I am lovin’it.
now I am n a phase of life where I don’t trust anyone and not enjoying my life a lot. I have told u already that I saw dreams which actually happens. I have seen my family members, my pets dying and other bad and some good happenings.
Now a days the thing that is destroying me and 4 the reason I am writing all this stuff is to get opinion from u guys what to do next in my life. Because I am having dreams that I am commiting suicide . its not like that I am afraid of dying but I don’t wanna die that way. My life nowadays is slowly taking me to the same step that I have seen but I want to change that. Give me a response plzzz and be happy all in your lifezz after all its your life and u have to live it of your own . and don’t worry I don’t hate my parents I love them more than u love your parents because they are the only thing I have. And in girlz I don’t hate my sisters,My mom and teachers. Yaa yaa also including some friends.. bye byee……..
This is all I got for u now. I will write about those events in which whenever I tried to help someone those people took me wrong I have to pay , instead of them thanking me. :D
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